Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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