It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
