that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
