Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
