No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
