hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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