Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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