He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
