just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
