Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She told me I should be a condom model.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
