so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
