Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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