She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize