I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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