This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
