so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
