You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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