I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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