i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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