Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
