She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Randomize
