I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
