so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize