i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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