im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
