I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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