gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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