Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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