Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
