They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
