YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
