how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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