I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
