Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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