the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
