he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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