then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
