Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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