I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize