I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
