Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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