she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
