I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
barbara walters just said penis...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
