i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
