Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
