i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
