Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize