I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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