If i come over, it means nothing
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
