About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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