You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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