my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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