...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
