i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
