Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
