I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
