His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
