So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
