yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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