I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
