Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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