If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
