I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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