More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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