When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Be still, my beating vagina.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
